Why we need a partner?
We can classify the needs into various groups
- Genetical and biological needs
- Social needs
- Sexual needs
- Mental needs
Genetical and biological needs: Reproduction is the aim of all living things on earth. We are here on this earth due to this behavior of more primitive structures of life some billion years ago. We are the carriers of that DNA material. We have been programmed to do reproduction. It is the ultimate exception that we are now able to think and stop our biological needs. Excluding our human species all other species do not make such choices.
Reproduction needs partner. This topic takes us to monogamous and polygamous topics. I am not fully sure about why we are mostly monogamous at present. Even though some people argue that we are not monogamous from the beginning, I do not agree with them. Through all the video documentaries I have seen that none of those have supported that we were polygamous some time back. Many have suggested that we are monogamous due to the physical changes in human female structure. They say that the uncertainty about when a woman will be ready to reproduce made our society monogamous.
Social needs: Throughout the history except very few people have asked this question. Why we need a partner? Our society basically copies things through generations and generations with little changes. Animal instinct brought us together. And since then we have been copying our ancestors. Various needs of the society created family structure and increased its complexity.
Death was the ultimate fear for people. We know that it is inevitable. And the idea of there is nothing in this world that belongs to you when u are dead, makes peoples scare.
It is not at all an acceptable thought. And only way they can be sure is by having their representatives in this world even after they left.
Marrige was invented to keep the bound intact for long time. Marriage is like taking an insurance. When u are not well or sick there will be some one in this world that will take care of you.
Unmarried people think that they don’t need wife to take care of them. You may say that I have very best friends and they will take care of me. Fine but this is true until they are married. Once they are married their preferences will change. This change is inevitable. No mater how powerfull any friendship is…It must be reduced after marriage. There may be very very few exceptions. Our parents don’t live long enough to take care about us.
Sexual Needs: There is no need to explain this much. Even one knows its impact on them. The only safest way to satisfy these needs is to have a partner. Unless there is a genetical problem these needs exist in every human. Some exceptional people have much more mental capacity to stop fulfilling such needs. But no valid theory have been produced to justify the advantages of not fulfilling sexual needs yet.
I used to think (may be still) that sexual needs are my week point. It dose not mean they are out of control etc. But It is the one which I am incapable to changing. I have tried around 10 to 15 times in last 7 years to prevent such thoughts to come into my mind. But it is a battle against your own genetical programming. I cont win it.. So I have decided to stop fighting.
Another point in stopping the fight is because there is a doubt that exist all those years..even if I win, will it be best for me? There is no such evidence to tell it for sure. We are ultimately going to die. What difference will it make when you are going to die?
Dose it make u feel happy saying that u have overcome this MAYA? Obviously it has very less probability of that happening. So when you don’t know what way is correct, and you have seen people going on main road, there is very little probability that you will take a side mud road to go ahead. So that’s what I thought.
Mental Needs: We are basically grabbers. We grab every thing we can. Land, things, people, money, name. Each of you us do this every time. We are spend all our energy for that sole purpose of grabbing. Among all other thing we can grab owning people is very important for us.
Marriage provides us a way of grabbing one person for us. You may object with the word grabbing.. The word may be wrong. .But the feeling wich I want to eexpress with that word is right. Up to the age of 20+ all we own is books, some items, and may be some money. Some people own some friends. But it is very unlikely that you can say that you own your friends. Every one have their own definition of friendship. But there will be a gap always exists between your person and a friend. By marriying some one we can easily say..that they are yours..your own asset.
This idea may seem rude…but that’s what we have been thinking all these years. May be fast changing generation of 21st century may not have luck of saying some one their own. But in India still it is possible to say it. So we want partners through marriage.
And one thing point we need to consider here is…We don’t have to do much to get married. But you need to do lot of stuff to prevent from getting married. Our society made it that way. So its easy to choose easy option…so we get married.
Till now our parents used to take the decision of marriage. We don’t have to do almost anyting.
We are social animals. Almost 99% of people can not live alone. Even between all the people in the center of city…If you don’t find any one to talk to , you will surly go mad in short time. But with whom you can talk freely? Can you talk all your feelings with your parents? How long will they be able to listen and respond as u expect?
What about friends…unless you are living with them and still they are all not married it is fine. That’s why people feel that their best time was then they are in collage etc. It is because they are very free and have many people to share their viws and thoughts.
But one we go to the world of money making..u will surly loose most of your friends. They will have their own preferences now. How is going to listen to you at the end of the day? You need some one who can stay with you. Our mind keeps looking for companions always. We need one for sure. That’s why we get married.
I don’t talk almost 50% of my feelings with anyone. In those 50% of feeling I will be capable of sharing around 30% with my wife. That is very big advantage.
Some people say they have friends just because they have some one who listens to them. That is the power of our need to talk with some one. There may be exceptional behaviours. Like some scientists etc.. But for most of us..we need some one to talk to.
When we compare the gains and loses of getting married we get more gains than loses. Other wise it would not be part of our culture. Dose our fast changing society changed this equation of gains > loses? I would say “surly not yet. “
What you will get by marriage? Security, insurance, reproduction, companionship, trusted person, love, power.
What you will loose? Monopoly on some decisions, responsibility.
Surly gains are more.
Now the looses will increase when we make wrong judgment in choosing the person. The probability of having more gains is directly proportional to probability of getting right partner. But the probability of getting right partner depends on our preferences and selection criteria.
There may be some exceptional people.. for whose loses will be more if they get married. Suppose for a person who wants to dedicate life on social service, or for in some technical achievement. Even then also there are chances that they find partners in that field. So with little hard work while choosing we can get greater benefits for ourself in future with marriage.
I will come to the topic of selection…tomorrow… be patient..
Rajesh Life & Partner
