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Do we really need marriage?

January 21st, 2011 Comments off

Luckily not many people get this question. For some fortunate people who happened to think about it, here is some help from my side.

Here are some major points which I think about marriage.

Responsibility/Risk:

Most of the the time your responsibility will go up. In some cases it may go down too(If you have a chance of forgetting your existing responsibilities). Responsibility is a kind of social insurance. And in my view marriage is biggest insurance we will ever buy.  Unless you are very unfortunate, you will have a person to take care of you in extreme situations. Like insurance marriage is a way of sharing your risk with others. As the probability of both needing each other in extreme situations at same time is very less.

Now when you want to share your risks with others, are you ready to share their risks with you? If you are not, then you may not find marriage as a good policy for you.

You can say, why only share between 2 people? lets share the risks with a group of people. Frankly, I don’t know. I think our ancestors might have tried this approach, and may be they found it is better if we share with small number of people. 🙂 I am still open for this idea with a caution.

Sharing risk is a responsibility. If you let other person drink too much, the risk you have to share will increase too much. So responsibility=sharing risk.

Some people will bring lot of risk along with them and want to share with you, but not willing to share that much risk from your side. You have to be careful about choosing right candidate. But I think 95% of time, you will end up with right person even if you do not choose anything. Parents will normally do that kind of checking anyway.

Freedom:

Your freedom may increase or decrease, depending on from which environment to which environment you are going. And it also depends on your gender. For example, my wife feels that she is extremely free to do anything now, when compared to before marriage. That anyway depends on what you want to do. If you want to roam with many people of opposite sex, you may find that it is not that easy. But there are many other things you may feel happy about. Having a partner who earns good money, cool now you don’t need to think that much when purchasing some thing.

It has not changed much for me though. I have been doing what I want to do even before and after marriage. As I said, depends on the partner. If you get right partner, I am sure you will be have more freedom.

Fighting:

Yes, lot of fighting. But who don’t fight? You can fight with your parents, brothers. So now with your partner too. Is it not an advantage? More people to express your anger upon?

Again, it depends on the partner. Also you may have fighting with your partner parents too if they are living with you.

This is some thing most girls fear about. I have heard soo many cases of this. Depending on the environment this might be a very serious problem. I may not be a right person to tell about this as I am not facing this problem. But as this is my blog, I will tell how to avoid it.

  • Do what you want to do. Do not do some thing you do not want to do and feel about it later.
  • Tell things on face in the way you tell to your parents. Try not to show much difference.
  • Imagine that you do not own anything that you have. Think that some one have given you the place when you are in, and you don’t have anything of your own. When ever I think of this, I feel so happy no mater in which situation I am in. (may not work for every one).

Growth:

Depending on the person you are going to marry, you may get to learn a lot from other person. If he/she is not better than you to offer some thing for you, then make sure all other points I mentioned are in your favor. For example my wife tells me that what ever she have learnt is after marriage. Now, it may not be the case for you. Have to be very careful. I always wanted to marry a doctor, so that I can take advantage of all the knowledge she is going to have. But it was not easy to find a doctor that too with a right attitude.

So that is what my opinion is always. When you join with some one, you can take advantage of all the knowledge they already have.

If you are marrying some one who never wants to share anything with you, or if they do not value what themself are doing professionally, and it will be a difficult situation. (Provided that you are a kind of person who expects thats).

Chemical Reactions:

Due to various chemical reactions, we do feel hell lot of things in our mind. And they force us to act in curtain insane ways. So we need some one to express the outcome of those chemical reactions. What your reactions are forcing you to do? The more people you those feelings the more problems you will be in. This is already proved by statistics in many developed countries. But those statistics are not for people who really enjoy with multiple partners and have the mental capability to manage the risks.

Marriage will bring some certainty and stream line your worries to some extent. But it will also restrict you in some ways.  Again it depends on the partners and what kind of agreement is among them.

Here  marriage is just a name of the agreement which is in general use. You can choose to go for some alternative agreement if you like to.

IPC-498a:

IF you ask me, will I choose to get married if I am not already. My answer will be ‘NO’. The reason is ‘IPC-498a’. This law will give too much power to women which I am not comfortable with. I am not aware of this law when I was married. So as long as this law is in place and there is no way I can prevent some one to misuse that on me, then I will choose not to get married.

I might have missed lot other important topics here. I will take up on them in my next post if needed. So please do tell if I missed anything.

Note: In all above cases when I said it depends on the partner, most of the time it actually depends on you than on the partner.

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