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Meaningful Relations

March 25th, 2017

I was talking to a Israeli women yesterday and our conversation went like this.


IW: I’m looking for someone Israeli. I’m a language person, so having a meaningful relationship in any language other than Hebrew would be odd for me. ​

ME: I wish you a good day before your travel. I know you are a language person. Actually that is what really caught my attention. I am trying to learn new languages. May be not spending as much time as I should be. I understand the fact that most of the times we prefer the people who talk in our native language. My native language is Telugu. Even though my English skills are not as good as my Telugu skills, I have found that I can have serious discussions and even talk about internal feelings in that English. I think it is just matter of habit. ​

And regarding the words ‘meaningful relation’. There can be so many interpretations possible for it. But I would choose some thing like this ‘a relation where you would be willing to allocate some time per week to just to be with the other person and do what ever those two people like to do together. May be talk about books, movies, ideas, or learn new stuff etc’. ​
One of the most valuable thing we all have is our time. And by allocating time for some one we are actually telling that they are worth that much. And we value the company the other person. ​
Do we want to spend all our time in life with one person whom we have sex with? I don’t think so. In my view there can be so many meaningful relationships possible at same time. ​
Just sharing my views, I hope you don’t mind. ​
Now actually I wish you actually find your Israeli guy(if you can not let that requirement go), and we can still look forward to the possibility of some other entirely different meaningful relation. 😀​

IW: Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I too believe that we can have several meaningful relationship. :-)​

ME: Now that you even said sorry to some one whom you don’t know and might never talk again, and clearly could have ignored, why do you think I will let you go with your excuse on that I don’t know Hebrew. Where will I find such a good person. 🙂 just kidding…. Am I? 😀​
Thank you, your acknowledgement made my day. I can spend rest of my weekend in day dreams. 😀​

To be frank I am not looking for a person whom I think will make me happy some day in future. I know the fact that happiness depends on us not the other person. I am looking for the experience of life. I was a husband, am a brother, son and engineer, some teaching, some entrepreneurship​, some student etc. These are all different experiences of life. There are infinite possibilities of them. But with our limited time we can experience only some of them. So why to limit our self to even narrow list? For example ‘be XYZ of a beautiful Israeli women’ what ever that XYZ is, does not matter how small or big that is. As long as it adds value(experience) to our life it is worth it. ​

I might sound desperate, actually I am. But not for one particular person or relation, but for a experience filled life. I think it is worth being desperate for. What we don’t have is time. Some experiences are not possible as we grow older. Even though I am aiming for 150 years. 🙂 still not enough. ​


The point here is not about how I am trying to impress this women. It is about “Meaningful Relations”. I have seen this word used by girls when they say in dating sites ‘I am looking for a serious meaningful relation’. Actually what they are talking about is a husband. But when we actually look our lives, all the people we talk to and all the people we like to interact, we see that except one or 2 people rest of all people are not life partners. They are parents, sisters, brothers, relatives, friends, colleagues, class mates, room mates etc.

What we like in each of these people is different. Some times you have a brother you never call, but you have a friend you always talk to. Or you have a relative never seen in life, but when you need they will help you. What we get out of each person actually depends on what our relation with that person. Some times we give that relation a name, but just because you gave it a name all relations with that name are not equal. What Brother or Sister means to you is different than what it means to me. The name of the relation is just a convenience to refer it when we talk. But the relation itself is much more than it.

But what people does not seem to understand is even the relation of Wife or Husband is also same thing. We are habituated to give names to relations and then forget that they are more than names.

Some people you want for having sex with. Some people you want to talk to your dreams. Some people you need to talk to your professional life, or etc etc. We don’t have to start deciding what each person is for to you until you both talk and decide. Some people can play multiple roles in your life. Why do we have to expect everything from single person say wife or husband? We know it does not work, and it is not meaningful.

Our relations are like colors in a color spectrum. Each one is different, unique, and scattered around on that spectrum.

I hope I have given you some thing to think about. If you have some thing to say about these, please reach out. I am happy to talk on these subjects always.

 

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