Lets start from the beginning. First we need to get a good wife. 🙂 I am assuming you know that already. Do you? I don’t think many people who are looking for good partner know this. So for the sake of those here is some things that matter and some that does not matter.
- A common language to communicate with.
- Answer to “What to do” for most of the time.
- Respect for the individual, even if we don’t like the opinions.
- A Journey to share. A task or a goal etc.
- Slight dependency even if it is created just for its sake.
- Honest communication.
- And ability to tolerate the honesty.
- Knowing what to know and what not to know.
- Trust and submission for first betrayal.
What does not matter
- Caste, Religion
- When you wake up and when they wake up
- What you eat and what they eat
- How they cook, and how they smell
- How many times you have sex per month
- Does she/he like your parents or not.
- How much she or he earns (after the basic needs).
- What kind of job she or he does.
- What gifts, cloths, etc she or he bought for you.
I am telling this from my example. But I have seen them working in many other cases. You pick any point of incompatibility, I will show you exactly another couple perfectly happy even with that incompatibility. But as these number of incompatibilities increases the chances of people crossing those limits decreases.
I am a lucky person. I don’t have good memory. So actually except one or 2 cases I don’t remember any fights I had with my wife. I never stopped talking to her for more than 2 days I guess. And actually I never started a fight myself 🙂 (again you have to take my memory into consideration here). I never mixed two different points/disagreements in one fight. All disagreements are as far as I member about the way I shout :-). No matter what the starting point, it always came down to that. And even thought I tried it, I never actually committed myself to change it.
I never bought her single gift or dress or any ornaments etc. Never in 10 years. I let her use my card for some time initially, but later I think she bought much more for me with her own money. I don’t think we ever talked on phone for more than 10minutes in last 10 years. What ever it was just a quick message in chat.
I did not hide anything from her and nor will I ever do that. From silly crush on girls in my own office to current office. She knows every thing. She used to have some thing private, but I never forced. Not every person is same. Just because you told her everything, expecting her to tell everything is wrong. It does not work that way. You be as you want to be, no matter how others behave. Your behaviors should not change much because of how other behave. If you are trying to act as a mirror then no one will ever know who you really are. They just see their reflection and which is never you.
No one know you more than your partner. If that is not the case, then you should not call them as partners. 🙂 Same here. Well we had enough time 16+ years totally. I think that is good enough time together.
I lose my wife because now we want to enhance our lives even more. We want to follow our dreams and which happened to be in different directions. When I say I lose my wife it only means that title. The person is there, and the way she thinks about me, and the way I think about her is same. You live with your brothers and sisters for say 20 years? In that how many years you are actually aware? may be 15. We are together for 16 years. So she is part of my life as my siblings or even more than them.
I know that not every one thinks similar about marriage and divorce. Because not every one is as wise as me 🙂 But we need to live as we think, not as some one else thinks.
I thank my wife for the 16+ years of journey. Now the roads are little different, but does not matter. We know that we will be there for each other for the rest of our lives.
So how to lose a good wife? 1) Get good wife first 2) Dream too big and let her dream too. 3) Make sure your dreams are little different direction than hers.4) Act on your dreams, don’t just dream.
Note for girls: Just let me reiterate for you. I am single now. 🙂 So I think I have the right to ask you for a lunch or dinner or for a walk. So be prepared. I will call her my wife, until some one else replaces that role. So don’t mind if I don’t use ‘ex wife’.