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Single Again: How to lose a great wife and still be happy?

March 28th, 2017 Comments off

Lets start from the beginning. First we need to get a good wife. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am assuming you know that already. Do you? I don’t think many people who are looking for good partner know this. So for the sake of those here is some things that matter and some that does not matter.

What matters

  • A common language to communicate with.
  • Answer to “What to do” for most of the time.
  • Respect for the individual, even if we don’t like the opinions.
  • A Journey to share. A task or a goal etc.
  • Slight dependency even if it is created just for its sake.
  • Honest communication.
  • And ability to tolerate the honesty.
  • Knowing what to know and what not to know.
  • Trust and submission for first betrayal.

What does not matter

  • Caste, Religion
  • When you wake up and when they wake up
  • What you eat and what they eat
  • How they cook, and how they smell
  • How many times you have sex per month
  • Does she/he like your parents or not.
  • How much she or he earns (after the basic needs).
  • What kind of job she or he does.
  • What gifts, cloths, etc she or he bought for you.

I am telling this from my example. But I have seen them working in many other cases. You pick any point of incompatibility, I will show you exactly another couple perfectly happy even with that incompatibility. But as these number of incompatibilities increases the chances of people crossing those limits decreases.

I am a lucky person. I don’t have good memory. So actually except one or 2 cases I don’t remember any fights I had with my wife. I never stopped talking to her for more than 2 days I guess. And actually I never started a fight myself ๐Ÿ™‚ (again you have to take my memory into consideration here). I never mixed two different points/disagreements in one fight. All disagreements are as far as I member about the way I shout :-). No matter what the starting point, it always came down to that. And even thought I tried it, I never actually committed myself to change it.

I never bought her single gift or dress or any ornaments etc. Never in 10 years. I let her use my card for some time initially, but later I think she bought much more for me with her own money. I don’t think we ever talked on phone for more than 10minutes in last 10 years. What ever it was just a quick message in chat.

I did not hide anything from her and nor will I ever do that. From silly crush on girls in my own office to current office. She knows every thing.ย  She used to have some thing private, but I never forced. Not every person is same. Just because you told her everything, expecting her to tell everything is wrong. It does not work that way. You be as you want to be, no matter how others behave. Your behaviors should not change much because of how other behave. If you are trying to act as a mirror then no one will ever know who you really are. They just see their reflection and which is never you.

No one know you more than your partner. If that is not the case, then you should not call them as partners. ๐Ÿ™‚ Same here. Well we had enough time 16+ years totally. I think that is good enough time together.

I lose my wife because now we want to enhance our lives even more. We want to follow our dreams and which happened to be in different directions. When I say I lose my wife it only means that title. The person is there, and the way she thinks about me, and the way I think about her is same. You live with your brothers and sisters for say 20 years? In that how many years you are actually aware? may be 15. We are together for 16 years. So she is part of my life as my siblings or even more than them.

I know that not every one thinks similar about marriage and divorce. Because not every one is as wise as me ๐Ÿ™‚ But we need to live as we think, not as some one else thinks.

I thank my wife for the 16+ years of journey. Now the roads are little different, but does not matter. We know that we will be there for each other for the rest of our lives.

So how to lose a good wife? 1) Get good wife first 2) Dream too big and let her dream too. 3) Make sure your dreams are little different direction than hers.4) Act on your dreams, don’t just dream.

Note for girls: Just let me reiterate for you. I am single now. ๐Ÿ™‚ So I think I have the right to ask you for a lunch or dinner or for a walk. So be prepared. I will call her my wife, until some one else replaces that role. So don’t mind if I don’t use ‘ex wife’.

Categories: Life & Partner Tags:

Travel to the hearts of the people

December 31st, 2016 Comments off

We all know many people who like to travel. I am not one of them. I am not afraid of travel. Only that I don’t get enough return at the end of the journey or while in the journey. Traveling 10hr to reach to a place and enjoy the plane enough to forget the pains of travel, is almost impossible for me. Those who can are lucky people, they know a way to enjoy which I can not.

But I think I know even better way. For me people are far more important then places. I never saw a photo of a place and have a instant feeling of wanting to be there. Never felt it. May be there is some disconnection in my brain related to those parts.

I think my lack of visual memory is a bit to blame here with places. I don’t remember any specific places we visualize it fully. Every thing I see becomes like a text and gets stored in the brain. I know I have seen some place, I can even recognize it. But It will loose all its visual information once I close my eyes.

But I have seen many people or known about them with whom I want to spend time. In a way it is much harder task than visiting places. With places it is kind of one side conversation. People do have feelings, they have emotions, knowledge, experience etc. What we can share with a person can never be done with a place. A place does not know what you feel about it. You like it or not, it will still be there. They do change, but you are just a spectator to its change. You have no say in its change.

With people, it is totally different. Every person changes us and we change them. Some positive some negative. It all depends on how we want to change. Even if we don’t change, experience of being with some one makes us rich. Rich with knowledge.

So here is my crazy plan.

Live with different people every 2 weeks. Eating with them sleeping with them(well, not that way), going to offices, share personal feelings, opinions, problems, solutions, ideas etc. In a way be part of the family for total duration.

I lived with other people in hostels or in relatives homes when I am kid. But after I have grown up, it never happened.
Some of us live with friends in rooms, hostels. But most of the times our friends are just like us. Mostly the perspective will be same. I would like to make it as diverse as possible.

A single mom, Young couple, A Couple with one or two young kids, A Doctor, A Lawyer, A Scientist, A Mathematician, A Programmer, A Banker, A Receptionist, Different Country(s), Different Language(s),Different economic background(s) and so on. There are different kinds in each of these, so the possibilities are endless. I prefer all these people to be either a family, or couple or single women. No more single guys (Sorry guys). Being with single guys is always possible and does not seem that much challenging (and interesting).

So if you want to join this crazy experiment and want to invite me, please contact me. Or you can always suggest some interesting people you know about it. May be your friends are interested.

During the stay I can pay for all my expenses and also contribute to collective expenses. In case if you are wondering I will not be making any moves in the direction of love, sex etc. I can adjust in all kinds of environments. Will try to keep my health as top priority, other than that you wont be facing any issues from my side. I will share every thing openly(if you are okey to receive). You can share anything with me, and all your secrets will remain secret. I will be writing about my experience during and after. You can find out what a third person thinks about any of your stuff(things, feelings, ideas etc). I will give you feedback, suggestions. (in the writing which I will publish). I will anonymize all information about you(Optional).

The reason for choosing 2 weeks is to make it long enough to know a person fully. When we meet for single day, we all act. And I want to know real you, so it takes time. And it is not long enough to get bored(I hope). And if it gets bored, we can reduce it to 1 week.

After end of each experience, I believe I will be having one more friend or a family friends to count on. Not every relation lasts, many do.

What do you think? Are you in?

FAQ on Project Girl Friend part 1

October 24th, 2015 Comments off

Q1: Define ‘Girl Friend’

Ans: As of now the definition is “some one who likes to spend time with me”

Q2: Spend time means? going to movies.. talking for hours? meeting outside the house?

Ans: Or just sitting in same room and reading her own book. No need for hours. Minutes are enough. No need for it to be outside, my home is a comfortable place.

Q3:ย  You are a married man, why would anyone wants to spend time with you?

Ans: Whether I am married or not is nothing to do with if some likes me or not. For example I like Aiswarya Rai. May be what I like maybe her beauty. So it is nothing to do with her marriage. I like her same irrespective ofย  her marriage status. So same here. No one will like me for the certificate being single.ย  Most probably if any one will like me that must be because of what I think and what I do. (Or may be their imagination of what I think and what I will do). Not the certificate. Now what do I have for some one to like me that is totally different question.

If some one likes me only if I am single, that means they might be looking for safety, security and insurance of marriage. I don’t mean to say they are irrelevant. For some girls those things may be needed. But for most of the girls in this generation they are overrated old concepts.

Q4: Is it really a girlfriend or a friend who is a girl you are looking for?

Ans: In relation to this post I am referring to girlfriend. Of course why would I not like having one more friend. But most probably no one needs wife permission for just a friend. So I am really looking for a girlfriend. If some one just wants to be a friend, and not girlfriend, then I am fine with it. Welcome.

Q5: With girlfriend there will be feelings, love and things like that, is your wife really okey with it?

Ans: Yes, I have permission to even to live-in with my girlfriend. (not saying that it is a requirement, but just in case). If some one really have a doubt, please reach out to her and confirm your doubts if any.

Q6: Is she mad or crazy?

Ans: She is fine. Crazy or not depends on what you believe in.

Q7: Are you both going through divorce or will get divorce after you get your girlfriend?

Ans: No not at all. We are very happy with each other. No thought of divorce as of now. We don’t think having a girlfriend will make any difference to that decision.

[These are some of the questions asked by family members and some are added by myself for clarity. If you have any more questions, I am happy to provide answers.]

 

Categories: Girlfriend, Life & Partner Tags:

Looking for a girlfriend. Any questions?

October 22nd, 2015 Comments off

It might surprise some of you, and those who really know me it should not be a surprise. Surprise may not be because I am looking for girlfriend, but for saying so. I believe almost every man does look for girlfriends. Even if they are married and have kids. It is very rare some one may not want one. (they might have very good memory of some tragic event). Problem is most people are not allowed to say it, and some are afraid to say.

Well, lucky me. I am not afraid to say it, and also I even got permission to say it. Yes, permission to have a girlfriend given by my wife. (she is very kind, or may be confident that I will never find one). I think this is the biggest hurdle men face in expressing their thoughts on the subject.

Now, why do I need a girlfriend?

You might already know that I have decided to live for more than 120 years. So another 9 decades to go. Who knows I may extend it to 12 decades. After some years your spouse will become almost same as you, habits interchange and know each other completely. In a way you two become one. It may sound romantic, but it is real. You will not feel them as different person.

In life we always need some thing to do. Some people do jobs, and some like be struggle with some crazy business plans. Anyway we are here to enjoy life. You do what ever that gives you enjoyment. We don’t do lot of travel, and I can not do more business at once (no one suggests it, and hard). But (I think) I can do some thing in this space.

Till now I had only two girlfriends. One is a happy mother in some other continent( hi dear, how are you?), and other one is beside me. Some of you may say 2 is more than enough. May be. Life is a journey. And they are our travel companions. First journey was much shorter and second is long enough to be habituated to. You know what I mean. Total it is around 14 years. But 14 years in 120+ life is too short. What do you say? still not convinced? You are crazy.

So why am I posting all this here?

I don’t have many friends. I don’t do job(like in other big companies), I am married, I don’t go to many parties, I don’t travel, never started a conversation offline with a girl, never proposed anything, never got proposed ๐Ÿ™‚ (how many of you got proposed btw? In India this should be <10% I think). Considering all this, what other option I got to let the world know that I am still looking and available? So that is why I am posting here.

Those of you boys still not married and looking for girlfriend, sorry guys. What to do. We have to compete. Life is a struggle.

This is like a new job search. I have to decide what I need, apply, get rejected, try again and again. Lets see how it goes.

It is easy when you are single. Now it is somewhat complicated. I have to figure out what I need, why I need. I have to be clear with the other person too on this. What are the rules? and what are the ‘what if’ cases. etc. I will publish some of them as I continue through this journey.

You might be having lot of questions, please send them to in email, messages etc. I will anonymize the question and will answer them. May be the question will help me, or you or some other people. Don’t hesitate to ask.

Looking forward to your questions….

Categories: Age, Friendship, Life & Partner Tags:

Women and Beauty

May 2nd, 2013 Comments off

Recently my wife pointed out that I have been applying kind of a double standards when it comes to looks of women.

In one side I ask my wife to dress in a more comforting outfits like T shirts and Pants, toss the idea of cutting hair like men, and to cut some of her beauty preparations.

In another side I do keep looking at women with long hair, clear skin, colorful dresses etc.

Also I have been thinking about Women Hair and Men Hair, and I think genetically both are identical (when there is hair) and they grow at same speed. So why do we make our women grow hair, and waste substantial time and energy in taking care of it?

Ya, I know the answer. Because of my other standard. Men think women with long hair are beautiful, and so women also think so, and total culture became like that.

Now why do men think women with long hair are beautiful? I do like some of modern short haircuts of women. (rare to find these days anyway).

Consider a hypothetical situation, if for some strange reason, women and men hair become identical today(means short like men), what will happen after some years? Do women and men find a way to differentiate their hair from each other? And in a society of ours at this age, do such differentiation needed?

When it comes to men’s likes for women’s beauty, I think that almost 90% of them are cultural and 10% are only genetic. So as we are changing our religions and other cultural aspects, is it the time to change some of old cultural habits and stop expecting women in those traditional and less efficient ways?

 

Categories: Dumb World, Life & Partner Tags:

New Perspective

July 4th, 2012 1 comment

After listening to Jaggi Vasudev my perspective of the world have changed to some extent. I would suggest every one who reads my blog to listen to him once. I do not know if any of his spiritual teachings are any good for me, and as of now I have no interest in them.

I am very much impressed with his logic on most of the aspects of the life. I do not say what ever he says is true. Other than the spiritual aspects, I think I am in sync with his views. There may be some differences, but in general I think I agree with him.

After listening to him, I have realized the mistakes I am doing in my thought process. Now I can say that I am more open, more willing to try things, less judgement on people, more willing to accept any reality etc.

Note: He does repeat a lot of things in most of conversations, try to bare with that. That is mainly because his thinks the root of most of the problems are same.

Categories: General, Life & Partner Tags:

What I expect from my friend?

July 31st, 2011 Comments off

Like most of other people I do expect the or or more of the following from my friends.

  • Inspiration
  • Knowledge
  • Wisdom
  • Consistency
  • Trust
  • Entertainment

Let me explain each one a little.

Inspiration:

I am basically a dreamer. I dream to do some thing. But may not be putting my total effort into it. If my friend is doing some thing like that, it will be a lot of inspiration for me. It might be in any category*. I love to copy. What i am is almost because of what I copied from others.

Knowledge:

This used to be very big point for me till now. But now it is reducing its importance. Because what ever we want to know is almost there on Google. But it is still a very big thing for me. A friend should be a source of some knowledge(The one I care about).

Wisdom:

Even with all these knowledge we can not do good without proper wisdom. It is nothing to do what what we know. It is all about applying what we already know. How we react to simple and complex things. This is what makes character of a person. I expect wisdom from my friends.

Consistency:

Without it, we are sure that we will not reach our goals. We 100 things try 1 but that too we don’t do it as we thought of doing. We say one thing and ignore it after some days. Here is where I need help from a friend. If I say some thing which I can not do, then better they force me to think twice. And once I said I will do, better they force me to stick with it. Of course it is very difficult to decide when to force and when to allow. That requires wisdom on their part.

Trust:

Without it we don’t call it friendship right. We must have absolute trust on each others words and deeds (Not abilities).

Entertainment:

A source of entertainment. We spend a lot of time thinking of how to enjoy, but most of the times we don’t find any. A good discussion with a friend is a very good source of entertainment. There can be many other things too.

 

Categories: General, Life & Partner Tags:

Shouting

June 6th, 2011 Comments off

It is the main act that many people associate me with. Till now it was the primary way of expressing my unhappiness. In my last post I said I am trying to control it.

Seems like other than at home I was successful so far. Now at home also I will practice this. Next time I shout, my wife will get what ever she wants on the next day. Seems like a pretty good idea for me. Lets see how many occasions she will get me to do things I don’t want to do.

 

Categories: General, Life & Partner Tags:

Change

May 24th, 2011 1 comment

Even though no one have suggested much in reply to my previous post, I started some changes my self.

Today I went for morning jogging/running. Hope to continue it always. For that I need to get up at 6AM for that I need to sleep before 11PM.

So the changes for today are….

  • Sleep before 11PM
  • Get up before 6AM
  • Go for Running or do Exercises

Ohย  wait, Sleep before 11PM means no second shows. Is it possible? I don’t think so. My wife will kill me. Anyway as we don’t see more than two per month, I think we can getup late on those days.

Wish me strength to maintain the consistency. I strongly believe consistency is crucial in life. If we have it, we are kings.

Categories: General, Life & Partner Tags:

Random Thoughts

March 6th, 2011 Comments off

Lot of thoughts went through mind today. About almost every thing in life, like money, fame, life, death, love, marriage, beauty, girls, coding, opportunities, interesting ideas, future visions, cricket, movies, health, company and relations.

Don’t know what to write here, but there is a lot to talk, and can not talk here.

I think most of the people need some one to talk all these things about. I have to find more people to talk. Need more people who can talk all these with me.

May be if you can talk to some one about all this, then I think you can call him friend. I do have some people to talk all this, do you?

Categories: General, Life & Partner Tags: